Masturbation and I have a storied history. We go way back, and as I am a tad self indulgent with regard to the sensual, I visit my friend masturbation several times a day. I visit in the morning. I visit at night. I visit during my lunch hour, and it’s possible that when coworkers can’t find me at my desk, it is because I am rubbing one out in the ladies’ room. If I could do it at my desk and not get fired, I would. Management clearly knows nothing about boosting productivity.
Tucker recently got a clever gift basket from some production company he met with to discuss his television show filled with liquor, lube and porn. Naturally, he gave the porn to me. I was excited because I thought it would be good porn. The models on the covers were sultry little vixens with perfect skin and perky breasts named “Simone” and other such nonsense. I picked one out, made sure Tucker and the dogs would be out at the dog park and plugged it into my DVD player. After the FBI Warning subsided, Simone popped onto my screen and began licking her own nipple. I was one sequence in, nicely warmed up, I might add, when the skank patrol took over. I turned the porn off and did my laundry. I was THAT disgusted.
I ask you this question: Why splay the beautiful hottie all over the cover when you’re only going to fill the inside with MILF hunter rejects? This is immoral advertising at its worst.
- Tucker Max
- Chicago Illinois
- United States 60608-5101